Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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