It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize