I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
