On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
