this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
