So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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