i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
