I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
