I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
