I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
