did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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