i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
