hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
