my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
