I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
