I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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