24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
