I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
