where does the pee come out of this thing
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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