she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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