Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
