Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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