Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
