ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
