just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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