Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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