When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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