hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
