booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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