I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
