so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize