Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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