Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
