can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
