I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
