I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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