Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
