youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
