I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
