you guys were way drunker than both of me
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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