I should be sponsored by Trojan
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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