I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
