highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
