i need an iv and a liver transplant
I puked a lego.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
