are you still at the devil's house?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
