It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
