If i come over, it means nothing
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
