she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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