If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
