She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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