Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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