God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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