just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
