1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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