You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
