masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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