u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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