I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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