If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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