I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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