In the future we'll all be gay
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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