The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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