it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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