quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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