Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
soo... how was my night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
