the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
