God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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