did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
