saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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