Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
