return my video game
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
