My underwear smells like fireworks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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