honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize